Choose Smart
The key to long-lasting romance
Dear Fitties,
You plucked up your courage. You put yourself there to meet folks. You learned to enjoy each encounter.
Finally, you are seeing someone. You aren’t sure if you should see him or her again.
I used to be there.
After constantly throwing myself into the dating pool, reading books and listening to real-life love stories, I become aware of who I want to connect with.
When you ask kids, most say “I wanna marry the boy I play the sand with.”
When you ask teens, most say “I wanna kiss a hot, sunshine beach girl or boy.”
When you ask adults, most say “I want him or her who meets this list of criteria.”
Learning from various human libraries, I discover 3 keys to choose your romance.
1. Do you share common values?
When we say core values, it is the way we see the world and treat others. To be more concrete:
Dating purpose: The intention to develop a long-term relationship/ casual ones
Family preference: Have or no kids/ Getting married or not
Location: Stay in the cities for long or temporarily
Life purpose: What does one prioritise - growth? experience? impact? You can tell by understanding what he or she spends most of the time and energy on.
Money: How much does one save and spend
Ethics: One’s morals, like how they treat parents or strangers.
World’s view: How do they react at rock bottom - Pessimistic/ optimistic? Complain or preempt?
Communication styles: Are both trying to understand each other’s views? Do both express needs clearly and directly? Are both striving to build a common ground during conflicts?
Ideally, you want to be with someone who shares more similar core values so you don’t have an urge to change them. Two should be together without wanting to change each other often. These values are the root to foster strong relationships.
2. How do you want to feel with your partner?
Focus on your feelings over criteria. You can be with the richest man in the world but feel unhappy as he doesn’t pay attention to you. Alternatively, you can be with someone who came from the grassroots but is working hard to build the future and feels secure.
Criteria is the HOW, but what truly matters is the WHY. Why do you want those criteria for a man or woman? Because they make you feel _________________. Find 3 feelings that are important to you when you are with your partner.
If you have no idea, recall 3 people you’ve developed affection with. Find a common feeling you have when being with them. That helps you find your adjectives.
For me, I want to feel safe, light-hearted and inspired when being with my partner.
3. Is there a partnership?
It takes two to tango. “Love is made, not found.” It is less about a person’s “quality”, but more about if two are willing to engage mutually for a lifetime. Be with someone who is committed to building the partnership.
Are both sparing time and energy for each other? Do both become better when being together? Are both compromising for one another in a healthy balance?
If it is mutual, hold hands and build this beautiful journey.
If it is not, cease the relationship and thank him/ her for the lovely memories.
To build a long-lasting romance, be with someone who shares similar roots, make you feel good and dance with you at the right time.
What fosters a long-lasting relationship that flows over decades? In the last chapter of Jubilant July, we’ll unlock the secrets to build your happily ever after! See ya next week:)
A question for you:
How do you want to feel when you are with your partner? Share with me by replying to this email 😉
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Love,
Ruby