Dear Brave Hearts,
Reader Appreciation:
Ruby!!!!!!!! Love love love love love love the latest newsletter. I'm sure it's going to resonate with so many of your readers- it certainly did with me. And fully agree- I like you for your positive spirit, not how you look.
I deeply appreciate your overwhelming responses to my latest newsletter “Unleash Your Inner Beauty“! Some asked me about what happened to the boy with the rainbow eyes, some even got their daughters to read the newsletter❤️
I often wondered if I am talking to a sea of silence but it turns out people are actually reading and engaging with my stories! It was my pleasure to have you as the audience. Thank you for being my reason to be vulnerable.
Lately, I heard these a lot.
This year, I finally found someone who I want to spend the rest of my life with. Someone who makes me feel at home.
Me and Sam are going to build a home!
Sorry, dinner on Sunday is a bit hard for me as I usually spend time with my daughters at home.
Why is everyone building a home?
One day, I asked Mom with my curious monkey hat.
“Mom, why did you want to build a home with Dad and have me?” I wondered.
“Why do you always ask difficult questions?” She replied.
“You know, having a family is a HUGE investment! And the return is not 100% guaranteed. You are a smart lady who manages your finances well. Why did you put yourself into this rabbit hole?” I questioned.
“It is just something I should do naturally as I age. It’s the tradition. Everyone is doing it.” She said.
At another time, I talked to Florence (name renamed), a senior at work in a restaurant.
“How do you see your life in 5 years?” I asked.
“I want to try having kids with my partner.” She answered.
“Why so?”
“Because this is probably the biggest achievement one has in their lives. This is what I learned from my Dad. We spent most of our time serving others for a living, and in the end, nurturing a new life from nothing is a real, significant impact we left in the world.”
As a single lady in her 30s, I can’t help but ask, “Where is my home?”
I know I am living in a home where I was born and raised. And I am very grateful for it.
Meanwhile, at the age of 30+, people are seeking to build their second home with their significant others. Somewhere they nurture from 0 to 1. Somewhere they feel secure and fulfilled.
Where is my home? Should I set a deadline and grab someone to start one with me? Should I freeze my egg until I meet my Mr. Right?
For ladies in their 30s, we can’t decide when to start a family freely. Our bodies don’t allow us to do so. According to the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, females experience a slight reduction in fertility in their early 30s, and this will decrease significantly between the ages of 35 and 45.
It’s like a race with time! Tiktok
Let’s take a pause and go back to the question, “Why do we want to build a home?”
“It is just something I should do naturally as I age. It’s the tradition. Everyone is doing it.”
“We spent most of our time serving others for a living, and in the end, nurturing a new life from nothing is a real, significant impact we left in the world.”
People want to establish one because of the norm or impact. How can you get this sense of belonging and achievement somewhere other than having a home with a spouse?
Perhaps you can focus on nurturing yourself.
Perhaps you can adopt a pet.
Perhaps you can build a supportive community.
What I am saying is that not having a second home isn’t a failure. When it isn’t the time yet, focus on other matters that fulfill a similar desire to stay healthy mentally.
Indeed, starting this newsletter is one of the ways for me to do so.
I write this newsletter to resonate with and support other single ladies who struggle with imposter syndrome. I want to build a community where people feel safe to share their problems and hold a perspective that helps them.
I write this newsletter to comfort my vulnerable self. It reminds me that though the world can be bitter sometimes, I can be sweet. Every experience I am tasting now is a chapter for me to connect with others because I feel how people feel.
I write this newsletter to build something from 0 to 1. From having only 1 reader in Day 1 to expanding the circle of influence to 60+ readers in my newsletter and more!
Brave Heart is my home where I can unleash our vulnerability and inspire others.
Support, build, comfort - something you do with your family.
When people ask, “Do you want a family?”
I said, “Why not? I love kids and kids love me.”
Before it happens, I focus on building myself financially, intellectually and emotionally to be a strong foundation for my loved ones. I focus on doing things that can create an impact on others. I focus on being somewhere I feel belong to and makes me grow.
What is one thing you can do now to build a home in your inner or outer world?
Home is not a place, it is a feeling.
You can build a home where you feel safe and nurtured without a partner or kids.
PS - I got this snapshot taken by a new friend. It is me singing The Climb by Miley Cyrus during an Open Mic session. A session to share about bittersweet moments with the audience through lyrics and music. We may be different, but our life stories are similar.
There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb
See you next week, my Brave Hearts!
Jars of love,
Ruby