Appreciate Every Encounter
Every each that lifts us up & breaks our hearts.
Dear Brave Hearts,
💡 Reader Appreciation: Bcs it’s really the truth. In our 30s, this is a very upfront and significant matter - what does it mean “to build a home”? This is an interesting and important newsletter bcs it speaks to the heart…
I love every text and conversation the readers initiated with me after reading my newsletter. Thank you for putting deep thoughts to the messages. Hopefully it helps you see the world differently and gain the strength to cope with every day challenge. The token of strength is my gift to you.
One day, my college friend Jane called me.
“It’s hard for me. I wish I could draw a fine line between him and I so I can care less.” She spoke with her tearful voice.
“Oh dear, you know you can’t control your heart.” I said.
Jane met this guy named Paul in her chess class a year ago. Because of the similar levels they hold, they were assigned to practise in pair most of the time. They were quite different in background.
Jane is a country girl who grew up in a small town and Paul is an ambitious city boy.
Jane is an expat who came to UK for work and Paul is a local.
Jane is naturally talented at chess and Paul always works hard to beat her.
They came from different universe and doesn’t seems to be compatible at first. When she first mentioned about Paul to me, she said, “But I am quite curious about how different live is on the other end.” “He can be quite grumpy sometimes, but it is funny to see how he tries different tricks to beat me.”
“Oh seems like you got a good partner.” I said.
“And I am I super good companion too!” She teased.
Using her tearful voice, Jane said, “I don’t know why, I start to feel more comfortable with him. I can laugh quite easily with his silly acts. Chess class becomes more interesting. I feel the electricity when touching his hand accidentally on the board. It never happened before.”
I said, “Oh girl, you got a crush!”
“I don’t like it! It feels under-controlled when he weren't at class. It's like opening an advent calendar, sometimes he was here, sometimes he wasn’t. I don’t like this roller coaster of excitement and disappointment. Most importantly, he is in a relationship.” She explained. “It’s hard for me. I wish I could draw a fine line between him and I so I can care less.”
“Oh dear, you know you can’t control your heart.” I said. “It isn't like a remote control where you can decide who you like or not.”
“I hate that.” She said.
“When you are with him, how do you feel?” I asked.
“I feel light-hearted, inspired and motivated.” She replied.
“Now you know how you want to feel when you are with the right person.” I comforted her.
“I wish I have no heart, so I can ignore all these butterfly feelings.” She cried.
“You know that’s not true, dear. Your feelings are there for a reason.” I said.
I continued, “Babe, life is like a train journey. We meet people on and off. Sometimes you meet the wrong people at the right time, sometimes you meet the right people at the wrong time. Instead of thinking what is missing, why don't we focus on what we gained? How rare is it for you to meet someone that makes you genuinely happy? It is an experience worth appreciated.”
Jane said, “Thank you for making me feel better, love. You are not wrong, like what you said, at least I know how I want to feel when I am with the right person.”
Liking someone doesn’t mean you need to own them.
You appreciate their existence.
You thank them for the good time.
You learn about the type of partner you want to be with.
When we like someone, we can wish them a good life; we can uplift them; we can treasure them.
Their smiles becomes your smile.
“When you like a flower, you just pick it. When you love a flower, you water it every day.” - Buddha
What have you gained from your current encounter?
PS - 500 Days of Summer is my favourite romance movie. Unlike other romcom with a happy ending, it shows the naked truth about romance - most of the dates you thought is “right” isn’t actually the one.
“Some people are meant to fall in love with each other, but not meant to be together.” - Tom Hansen, 500 Days of Summer
I used to be jealous about how my mother married the person she dated first time. It’s so much easier and save a lot of time for tears and rain. Efficient!
But when I think deeper, how would we know what is right for us if we haven’t tasted what is wrong?
Just like finding a place on Google Map, someone find their location directly, someone wonder and lost for a while until they found their places. It is okay to go through many encounters until we reach the destination. Each encounter makes us understand ourselves a bit more. It is a bittersweet journey. A journey that is worth appreciated.
Love you to the moon and back,
Ruby